5
Things You Need To Know
about grief
Going through the loss of a pet can be devastating
on so many levels. One of the ways we
can help ourselves cope is to understand loss. Here are 5 simple things to know
that can help you cope. I have included
some simple affirmations you can use to counter all these difficult
issues. Sometimes the voice in our heads
is our worst enemy. Substituting kind
words for the negative ones can help us as we go through this process.
1. You are NOT crazy!
You are mourning. There is nothing wrong with sadness when you
have a loss. You are normal! Not everyone understands the loss of a pet. And that can make you doubt your feelings.
DON’T do that to yourself. For many of
us, pets are like family. And losing a
pet is like losing a beloved family member.
Don’t cheat yourself into thinking your loss is anything less than it
is.
Affirmation: My feelings are normal. It’s okay for me to mourn.
2. People say stupid things
On a good day people
say stupid things. But when you have lost at pet, it’s tougher to handle all
that insensitivity. I still bristle when
I remember someone saying to me, only days after the loss of my beloved cat,
“You can just get another pet.”
Ugh. Insensitive comments hurt, but
you know what? If I had a dollar for
every stupid thing that ever came out of my mouth, I’d be loaded. People can have a hard time expressing
themselves, especially with difficult issues.
Loss is difficult and
losing a pet even more difficult for some because they either just don’t
understand or just don’t know how to respond.
It’s part of being human. Understanding
that people do say the wrong thing can make it feel less personal when the
stupid comments come your way. It
happens. But it doesn’t mean you have to
take all of those comments lying down. Keep
reading for ways to help.
Affirmation: People say stupid things. It’s probably not personal. I’ll be okay.
3. The roller
coaster.
Losing a pet is very similar to the loss of other loved ones
and what happens when we have a loss is we experience a roller coaster of
emotions. One minute everything is fine,
another we might feel rage, depression, peace, resentment, etc. And so it goes, over and over. And it is normal. Accept the ride for what it
is.
Affirmation: It’s
normal for my emotions to be all over the place. This is what people feel when they go through
loss.
4. Triggers
Expect to have triggers.
These include anything that can set us off. It can be a memory, a smell, something we
see, even something someone says to us.
The problem with triggers and loss is that they can be
unpredictable. I remember once, being at
work and suddenly I couldn’t stop crying.
I had to close the blinds in my office.
Thank God I had blinds. I was
okay after a few minutes, but it hit from out of the blue. Sometimes we are
lucky and we know what they are, but mostly, not so much. Learn your triggers when you can and accept
that sometimes you will be blindsided.
Affirmation:
Sometimes I will get blindsided by my memories or my feelings. It’s just part of the process.
5. Temporary
The pain, the anger,
the incredible sense of loss you are feeling is temporary. It may seem like it will never end, but it
will not last forever and your pain will get better. There will come a time when you can remember
your pet with joy, not agony. So, hang
in there. Trust the process. It will get better.
Affirmation: This too shall pass.
5 Stages of Grief
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross defined 5 stages
of loss in the late 60’s while she was working with the terminally ill. Those stages are now considered the universal
stages of loss that we humans experience. Although not absolute or
chronologically ordered, they do serve as a guideline for understanding the
process of loss. Kubler-Ross believed
each person mourns individually, that most of us experience many if not all of
these stages, and that it is possible to get “stuck” in the process. Listed below are the five stages of loss.
Denial
“This isn’t happening.” This is the shock period. We are still adjusting to the idea of the
loss. It is during this period that when
we wake up in the morning we are often shaken as the reality of the situation
hits us anew and it feels like we are experiencing the loss for the first time.
Anger
“Why me?” This is a stage in which there is a lot of
anger, indignation, resentment. We can
be testy, bitter and easily offended.
Bargaining
“If I do this, then….” This is particularly common when dealing with
terminal illness. One might “bargain”
with God, doctors, etc. in an attempt to buy time.
Depression
The reality has sunk in. This is it.
This is certain. All the anger,
denial and bargaining will not change the truth. This stage is a time of
powerful sadness and mourning.
Acceptance
Here, hardiness comes into play. “I will get through this.” There is a sense of adjusting to what has
happened and accepting the reality. This
is when a person has reached a sense of healing.
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